"Murder on the Super Chief" has made the first cut!

 

And here's what the judges had to say : 

1. Strengths and Constructive Criticisms

‘Murder on the Super Chief’ has a strong opening, establishing right away a mystery: who is this woman? The author describes the mystery woman well, with all the little details that help the reader see the scene. Through dialogue and language, the reader picks up on the differences between the two characters dining together aboard the Super Chief. Prudence is refined and educated, while “Mrs. Esposito” uses rougher language and apparently missed a few lessons in manners.

Prudence’s amateur detective skills are a powerful device for solving the mystery and also reveal her character.

A minor critique—I found Prudence’s internal thoughts on Mrs. Esposito’s character unnecessary. This information could come through during their dinner conversation, by her facial expressions or reactions, and it is there in the conversation Prudence and Maria have later (‘She wasn’t the most pleasant person”).

2. Historical Relevance of the Story

Right away, train travel takes the reader back in time. Add to that a formal dining car, a “Negro” server, the mention of Agatha Christie’s latest release, and the gossip about Clark Gable and Carole Lombard, and readers are placed in the era. Well done.

3. Quality of Character, Plot, and Setting

Prudence traveling to Chicago for a library conference immediately gives the reader a sense of an educated, well-to-do woman. She’s on her own, which displays her independence. Her detective abilities are even more believable because of her vocation.

Mrs. Esposito introduces herself as the wife of “Johnny Esposito”, which brought ‘gangster’ to the mind of this reader. One name did that. Well done.

The structure of the plot works really well and is concise. By starting with supper, the author introduces the characters and their differences, evokes the historical setting, and moves right along to the evening ‘murder.’ Pacing is very good and the story engaging.

One suggestion would be to revisit the resolution. The preceding climax—the conversation with Maria—is spot on. However, the story moves slowly thereafter. A quicker resolution (perhaps even ending with “I’ll see you at breakfast”) would complete the story and show that Prudence will play along. That could be drawn out further, adding tension (Will Prudence turn Maria in? What’s the ‘right’ thing to do?) and then finishing the story with Prudence’s decision to support Maria.

4. Quality of Voice and Point of View

Removing the internal thoughts would maintain the distance and consistency in POV. That distance is effective in pitting the reader against Prudence in solving the mystery. The author plants clues throughout the story, and during the climax, I realized I’d seen some of them, but that Prudence proved the better detective. Fun!

5. Overall Impact and Quality

What a fun piece to read! The descriptions and character development reminded me of a good film noir. The story is engaging and moves along to a fulfilling climax.